How to Recover from a Failed Relationship as a Single Mom

"Hardship breathes life into strength and wisdom- a noble character." ZJM aka Single Mama

Life has a way of taking us through highs and lows like a rollercoaster. We twist and turn and dip and dive but we rarely take the time to take a moment to stop and regroup. Life calls for constant evaluation of who we are and what we stand for; requiring us to slow down and cease to think about our chain of events. Being a single mom is not a hardship but a challenge. Things become more difficult when we are left to raise our children alone.

I believe that hardship breathes life into strength and wisdom- a noble character. And I believe that if life was easy we would never learn anything nor appreciate anything. Everything will get better in God's time (not your own) as you trust in him and have faith. "walk by faith, not by sight." 2 corinthians 5-7.

How Does It Feel To Lose Someone?

A True Queen (A Woman's Worth) 

'A man's heart plans his way, But the Lord directs his steps'  Proverbs 16:9

11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 12 Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. Jeremiah 29:11

Spiritual guidance is a great start to replenshing your inner strength and gaining a stronger independence. Allow God to move you in the right direction by praying for the following. Pray for courage, strength, patience, understanding and guidance. Pray that you follow the path God has made for you and not your own. Ask yourself a some important questions. What is your purpose? What is your passion? Pray to fulfill that purpose. If you do not know, yet, pray for help in this area. P.U.S.H. or pray until something happens. It may not happen tomorrow, the next month or the next year but it will happen. Each process in life is a journey and God will provide you with stepping stones. Have faith in your true provider and everything else will follow.

Google some agencies or non-profit organizations that might be able to help you. I know the United Way and the YWCA are great starts. A lot of programs will help you pay rent, obtain food and clothing, diapers, and other needs. Please, do not see these as charity. I use to think it was somewhat negative to be on housing and get assistance. As i got older I grew much wiser. I think about how further I could be (i.e. finished with school) if I would have used the resources that were there as a stepping stone to a better future. Now I volunteer for a place that provides a lot of services for those in need and I love it. I love that there are people that really care about people. I love being a part of that help because part of my purpose is to care for others. It would also be a good idea to volunteer at places that offer these resources. There are ways to connect with other moms in similar situations and you will meet people from outside companies. So you never know what will happen. It is possible you may meet your future employer or a new best friend. It is also a good idea to Google support groups in your area if you are not comfortable attending a support group at the agency that is helping you. Or you can join a social networking site for moms like CafeMom and SingleMama- Empowering Young Women of Color. 

In review, try googling the following in your local area:

• Non-profits
• Local churches
• Support groups
• Local county/city website for Health/Human/Social Services
• Social Service Organizations
• Single Mom social networking sites 

I cannot reiterate this enough, it is very important to know what it is you want to accomplish in life. Therefore, communicate and visualize your goals. Follow these important steps.

1. Make a commitment to change: Vow to remove the negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Do not procrastinate. Start now, start today!
2. Write down your goals: Write down at least three short-term and three long-term goals. Your short-term goals can be anywhere from the next 24 hours to a year. Anything past a year I would consider long-term. These time-frames will vary as you progress and achieve them over time.
3. Write down the top three to ten things you are grateful for: These can be tangible or intangible items. Your values/ethics are considered intangible and your belongings are considered tangible.
4. Create a personal vision statement: Try writing a personal statement. It signifies who you are, your character and your purpose. For example, mine is- "To be the Servant Leader that God intended me to be; by utilizing my God-given abilities of creativity and passion to care for others."
5. Create a vision board: A vision board is a visual accumulation of your goals. Use cut-outs from magazines or scrap-booking stickers on a poster board.
6. Read, read, read and read some more: The most economical resources are the Internet or the library. Read articles, blogs, motivational topics, spiritual books, autobiographies, quotes and/or devotionals. It is a good idea to listen to audios or music, as well.
7. Create a positive environment: Surround yourself amongst as many positive people and things as you can.

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© 2009 ZJM None of the work written here may be reproduced, distributed, performed, publicly displayed, or made into a derivative work without my permission.